What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
