So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
