its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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