you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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