i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
