I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
don't judge my taste in strippers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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