8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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