am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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