If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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