why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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