Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
