my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
