I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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