Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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