The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she looked like the before picture.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
