the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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