honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
