i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
