I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
