Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
