guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Screwed.edu
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
