"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
