It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
