I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
