Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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