she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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