My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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