all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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