I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
