Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
