fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
