Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
