literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
