my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
