There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
