please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
