That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
