She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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