erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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