Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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