On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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