Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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