I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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