That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
