So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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