Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
