when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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