is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
