Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
