he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Randomize
