I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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