i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
