i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
