Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
