Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
