Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
