U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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