I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
