what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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